“Blank Canvas, How I Reinvented My Life After Prison”

I wanted to die. I lost it all. My wife. My life. My identity. Money. Freedom. Trust.

I hurt the people I love.

Every day, pain coursed through my veins. Every day was darker than the one before it. Every night I prayed I would die in my sleep. Every morning I was disappointed when my eyes would open to the dawn of a new day.

I was lost and did not know what to do.

Suicide had become my shadow, following me step by step. Frantically I reached out for anything that would make it stop.

Anything to make the pain go away.

I reached for a pen and paper. Every day I would turn the spigot, and words would pour out. The darker my world became, the greater the flow of words.

I escaped into books. I learned the power of words. I read about gratitude, presence, and impermanence.

I learned how much my family and friends loved me. And how much I loved them.

I expressed gratitude. Big or small. My family and friends, the sun rising in the morning sky, a cup of coffee.

I was haunted by the past and frightened of the future. I learned the value of this moment.