Enough Would Never Be Enough Until I Understood I Am Enough

$500.00 dinners.

12K watches.

Christian Louboutin’s and Jimmy Choos.

I was a black hole of status-seeking materialism.

And it all became a game of credit card roulette; which one could I use today?

Spreading the damage over a greater area, fooling my brain into thinking the damage was merely superficial, a flesh wound.

Not the gaping hole it truly was.

Each month dreading each bill, each month scrambling to make the payments.

I was committing fraud against one of the biggest tech firms in the world just to cover the damage I had done the month before.

I was always behind, never ahead.

I was sprinting on the golden treadmill, trying to catch the carrot dangling in front of me.

Always wanting more, always looking ahead, and never focusing on the present.

Constantly chasing, continually pursuing. It was utterly exhausting.

I was in a perpetual cycle of acquisition to feel worthy and enough.

If I stopped — How would I know I was enough?