From 80% Safe to 100% Alive

I’ve been working through an imprisoning belief, and ran it through The Work by Byron Katie.

This is raw and unedited, and it’s wildly uncomfortable for me to share.

I’m sharing to train myself to dance with discomfort.

I’m sharing this for me, to train myself to live in the messy 20.

If it sparks something in you too, all the better.

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Belief:

It’s not safe for me to be seen being myself and giving my all.

Is it true?

No, not even close. It’s a belief, construed from moments in my life where I felt diminished, not rewarded for doing really well, but not achieving perfection. “Always” falling short.

Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

No, it’s a survival mechanism that played an important role in my life, and I can be grateful for it as I also walk it out the door.

How do you react when you believe that thought?

I get small, I hide, I shrink, I allow myself to get distracted, chase shiny objects, I hold back my authentic expression, I go all the way within what I have determined is “safe”, meaning I’ve got like — 80% is coming to mind — I go all the way up to 80 — but beyond (I can feel…