How Choosing Fear Instead of Honesty Cost Me Everything

All I had to do was be honest with her.

That’s it.

All I had to do was be seen and heard.

But I chose fear. It was easier.

It was easier to maintain the illusion of success than, to be honest.

To admit that my paychecks were shrinking and that I couldn’t maintain our lavish lifestyle.

I wasn’t the man I had presented. Sure, I was successful. My high six-figure salary should have been enough.

But it wasn’t because I wasn’t.

She was so beautiful, so incredibly amazing — who was I to be married to her?

I never asked her what she wanted, and I regret that.

I created a story of what I thought she wanted and did whatever to provide it. I created a facade of overinflated success.

As my paychecks shrunk, my fear grew. Smaller paychecks meant she would see me.

I had to maintain the illusion. I had to maintain my identity at all costs.

The fear of being seen as “less than” led me to commit fraud against one of the largest technology companies in the world.