I Battled Unworthiness Almost All My Life, One Night Showed Me All I Needed Was My Truth

June 2017, The East Village, NYC

It’s our second dinner together; I may be falling for her.

She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. It’s not her physical beauty (which is extraordinary) that makes her so.

She’s beautiful because of who she is, not how she looks.

The restaurant is busy, but it may as well not even exist. Instead, we’re in our own world, an invisible force field around our table, diving into the deep end of the human experience.

We share our fears, darkest moments, and joys; we ask each other questions that exceed what most would ask on only the second dinner.

Neither of us holds back; quite frankly, it’s the best conversation I’ve ever had.

When it comes to beautiful women, I always put them on a pedestal. They were up there, and I was down here. I gave away my power to them because I was immediately unworthy of them.

They were one way, and I was another, and the way I was just wasn’t good enough.

But tonight, something’s different.

There’s no pedestal; if anything, we’re both in the mud.