I Practiced Acceptance in Prison, and I Earned My Freedom and Peace

I chose to commit fraud.

My fraud was simple and complex simultaneously.

Simple in its idea.

Complex in its execution.

Within that complexity lay a sea of choices.

Thousands of choices were required to keep the fraud moving for under a year.

Each one of those choices was made in violation of my heart.

The same heart that whispered, “Stop. Don’t do this. This is not the way,” as I stood on the precipice of violation or liberation.

I chose violation thousands of times, and I paid a severe price.

Prison
Divorce
Financial ruin
Suicide ideation
As Nietzsche said, “The torture of mistrust.”

While I was in prison, a war waged inside my mind.

There were only two combatants, and only one would walk out as the victor.

I was fighting valiantly against my past, wishing, hoping, praying it was anything other than it was.

I was ensconced in shame, guilt, regret, and self-loathing.