I Was Arrested by The FBI 9 Years Ago Today

I was arrested by the FBI 9 years ago today.

I had just walked into my new job when I received this voicemail,

“Mr. Stanland, this is Special Agent McTiernan with the FBI. We are at your residence and have a warrant for your arrest. You will need to call us and come home immediately, or we will issue an APB with the federal marshals for your arrest.”

It was, without a doubt, one of the most terrifying days of my life so far.

My life was no longer my own; it belonged to the agents and the faceless people working behind the scenes, and the judge I had yet to meet.

I watched helplessly as the life I knew grew smaller and fainter as I descended into the abyss of uncertainty.

I watched as the dark cloud of shame enveloped my life and cast everything in its shadow.

I watched the bottom fall out every single time I thought I had hit bottom.

I watched as I walked down the darkest of paths, planning how I would take my life.

And I watched what happened when I chose to step out of the burnt ashes of what was and into a new life.

Stepping out of the ashes was another terrifying moment; I was leaving the known, even if it was terrible, for the unknown.