It Took Going to Prison for Me to Step Out of My Father’s Shadow

My father isn’t a big man.

At his peak, he fell just shy of six feet; the passing of time has made that but a memory.

How strong winds don’t blow him over is beyond me.

But the shadow he casts belies his physical size.

He possesses an outsized intellect that has created outsized accomplishments that have impacted the world.

His shadow is long, and it is dark.

And for most of my life, I’ve stood in it.

The shadow was created in 2 stages by 2 parties.

I, as many little boys do, idolized my father.

And as such, I put him on a pedestal.

Completely unaware at 5, 6, and 7 years old that by placing him on a pedestal in the sun, it had no choice but to cast a shadow.

He, whether consciously or unconsciously, kept me in that shadow.

Comments, some purposeful, some perhaps inadvertent, reminding me that I’d never stand atop his pedestal.

Consistent reminders that my best wasn’t good enough.

Anything less than perfection was a failure.