Men Have it Backwards, Not Asking For Help Isn’t Brave, it’s Cowardly

I desperately wanted to cultivate a life of meaning and a sense of purpose.

I wanted to be creative and innovate. I wanted to be my own boss.

But I was too damn scared to go for it, and I was too damn scared to ask for help.

I thought,

“This is my burden, and mine alone. Men don’t ask for help.”

Besides, I had corporate success; I had all the materialistic success; who was I to want more?

I may have had all of those things, but I also had a success-sized hole in the center of my being.

Not being honest with myself and in my relationships and not asking for help led to one of the grandest forms of self-sabotage one can imagine:

Committing fraud against a tech giant and going to federal prison for 2 years.

Losing absolutely everything, including the will to live.

Not asking for help won’t always lead to prison, but it can lead to a lot of other places:

Addictions, affairs, porn, social media, Netflix, video games, even chasing success and materialism is a respite from the void.

Anything to numb the pain of a life without meaning.

Empty and superficial vices that are wildly intoxicating and a vicious trap.

They provide just enough breadcrumbs to keep you almost satiated.

By running from the issue, we exacerbate the issue. We increase the success-sized hole in the center of our being.

Something I’ve learned from rebuilding and reinventing my life from scratch:

Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, a fear many of us have, and more prevalent in men.

I dove deep into inner work after prison.

For just over 3 years, basically in isolation, no dating, no TV, my aunt said I lived like a monk — and she’s right.

I’m grateful for that time and what I learned.

But I could only get so far, and to think I could create the life I wanted to live by myself was ludicrous.