My Identity Was Only As Strong As My Physical Body, And One Day it Tore

29 Years Ago

“I’m proud of you.”

The sincerity in my father’s eyes equals the weight of the words.

I entered a bench press competition on a whim, through the veil of fear and the expectation that I’d get killed.

That day would hold the number one spot as the greatest day in my life for over two decades.

Not because of the four trophies and NYS records I set, but for those four simple words,

“I’m proud of you.”

Those words made me realize I’d been chasing that feeling my entire childhood.

I’d never achieve those words through school; 100 was the expectation, not a celebration, and anything less was a failure.

That win gave me acceptance and approval.

My powerlifting career yielded lots of trophies, great experiences, and a career in personal training.

More importantly, it yielded an identity that created acceptance.

The once bullied and tormented smallest kid was now powerful.

I was closing in on 300 pounds when it happened.