Why Feeling Fear Means You’re On The Right Path

I thought about pulling the plug.

About stopping and escaping.

There was no reason to think any of this.

I spent the afternoon sitting by the Loeb Boathouse in Prospect Park, reading, thinking, and just plain being. It was a gorgeous spring day, and I felt great as I walked down 7th Ave on my way back to my apartment.

“I’m going to order Thai and watch that new show about the art heist on Netflix.”

Things couldn’t be much better, and then it hit me.

“My book is being released on May 25th.”

It was a moment of sheer terror and panic.

“Holy shit, my book is being published on May 25th.”

That means it will be out there. What will my family say? My friends? Strangers on the internet?

A wave of relief came over me with one simple thought,

“I can pull the plug. It’s not too late.”

What a sense of relief — the pressure — the fear — the uncertainty of what MAY happen.

I have control over that by pulling the plug.

I had that control in prison as well when I was trying to figure out how I could end my life.